


Babycrank Adventures

by metalvsflesh (ZoicZeph)



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Cameos, Family Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Magical Artifacts, Other, Silly, Toddlers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-01 10:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15772284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoicZeph/pseuds/metalvsflesh
Summary: Ever wondered what chaos would ensue if a over-curious steam golem ever became toddler-sized for a couple days?





	1. Let's Bounce

**Author's Note:**

> Something cute and silly with little to no logical explanation. So far it's about 4 chapters long, but may turn into five depending on how it goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zac cameo for this chapter! Hopefully I did him some justice.

I made my way carefully across the brick road down Emberflit Alley. It was hard to see through the fog, but I didn't really hear anything coming or sense any other presence than my own. Besides mine and Blitz's footsteps, there where only echos of distant city happenings. Nothing else. Speaking of Blitzcrank, I should probably check up on him.

"Hey Blitz," I whispered. "Where you at?"

"Right here," he said, startlingly close. I looked down to my right, and there he was. Forgot for a second there he'd been shrunk.

"Oh."

"Do you need help? We are very close to Father Unit Viktor's home."

"Uh, no I'm okay. Try to stay close, though."

"Okay."

I'd been down this way before. Still not happy with it, but I've begun to see why Blitzcrank likes living here. It's super quiet, no one goes down here, and it's not too far from a lift that can give anyone access to the rest of the city. Still don't know how he puts up with all the fog, though. Way spooky.

After a few more minutes of slinking down the alley, I got to the old iron gates in front of Viktor's lab. Always wondered what was in there. Probably lots if dead bodies and creepy robots. A torture machine or two, if what others say is correct. Word on the street is that he's into that kinda creepy mad scientist super villain thing. Blitz says he isn't, but I find it hard to trust him with being truthful about the guy he considers his 'father'.

I carefully slipped through the gate, making it creak loudly despite my best efforts. I took a quick glance around to check if anyone was following me, or if anyone heard the noise, then made my way to the door and knocked. No one answered. Okay, maybe he was working. Gotta give him some time to clean up so he can keep his image. I waited. The gate behind me gave a high-pitched whine as what I guessed to be Blitzcrank stepped through.

Oh. I probably should have held it open for the little guy.

I checked over my shoulder to make sure Blitz was okay. He was busy studying the gate.

Umm.. fair enough? Guess he was still not used to being so small. Gotta figure it all out somehow. I guess I'm just used to switching between small and big. A noise at the door made me look away and tense up.

"Zac," Viktor gave his usual, stern greeting.

"Uh, hey! Uhm.. Viktor! Buddy! I, uh.. long time no see?"

He raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, you see, something happened today and.. well, Blitzcrank is.. I wanted to get your help, cause, um," I twiddled my thumbs, then leaned in and whispered. "An accident happened today, and _we_ need some time to figure out how to fix it, and _he's_ a bit of a handful.."

Blitzcrank waddled up to the both of us, practically strangling a poor pigeon in his hands, "Father look, I caught a chicken."

Viktor's jaw dropped. My antenna picked up the wildest cloud of shock and stomach-churning worry from him.

_Crap._

"What did you do?" his robotic voice wavered with worry. It was unnatural

"We-We're working on a fix! So don't worry!" I frantically waved my hands. He launched another wave of emotion at me, this time full on panic.

"What did you _do_!?" Viktor roared.

I stepped back and shoved Blitzcrank in between me and the Herald. I didn't want him anywhere near me, "Thanks for, uh, watching Blitz for me! Gotta bounce!"

I quickly spun around and launched myself out of the alley, Viktor yelling something after me as I splattered against a wall and climbed down into a sewer drain. I didn't listen to him. I was out.


	2. Functionally Dysfunctional

"Did you see the chicken I caught, Father?" Blitzcrank chirped proudly.

Viktor was speechless. Not once did he ever consider he'd have to look down to Blitzcrank, literally or metaphorically. It was a completely asinine thought, but given how his life liked to send him in wild twists and turns he should have expected it. Or at _least_ something similar. The tiny Golem pet the pigeon he still clung to as Viktor struggled to try and understand just what was happening and, more importantly, if he was awake or not. Blitzcrank found he very much liked this pigeon. Even if he thought it was a chicken, with its ruffled cream feathers and yellowed beak, he liked it. Perhaps he'd name it. Something sweet and friendly, like Milly. Or Jason.

"Can I keep it?"

Viktor shook his head with a completely dumbfounded expression, " _No_ , of course not. Put that bird down before you strangle it to death."

Blitzcrank gave a sad expression, "Okay."

He put the bird down gently, giving it a pat on the head before saying goodbye as it flew away in an unstable flight pattern. Hopefully it won't hit anything dangerous.

Godspeed, you funky chicken.

Blitzcrank felt sad now. He really thought he'd made a new friend. Maybe he'd see them sometime else. People say true friends always end up crossing paths more than once. There was hope. Viktor leaned down and gave Blitzcrank an awkward, but supportive, pat on the back.

"Why don't you come inside and tell me what is going on?" Viktor said, pushing the door open a little wider.

"I just let that chicken go."

"Other than that."

"Zac wants you to watch me while he and Ekko work."

"And that.."

"Ziggs has swapped heights with myself. I estimate a 135.5% increase in damage he will output. Provided it does not scale equally with his mass."

Viktor took a deep breath. Right. He had to be straghtforward. He was still struggling with this father thing. There was a lot to keep in mind.

"Let me rephrase what I said," he replied, calmly. "I want to talk, inside, so I can know why you're.. small."

Blitzcrank blinked confusedly. He thought Viktor knew why. Viktor was very smart. He knew everything. _Almost_ everything.. he didn't know why Blitzcrank was small. He nodded and made his way inside, pausing briefly to gawk up at his father. He was so tall. Blitzcrank wasn't used to him being so tall. Previously, Viktor had come up to about Blitzcrank's shoulder, a little below even. Now, Blitzcrank barely stood as tall as Viktor's knee.

Everything was so tall now.

The next thing that piqued his interest was his music box collection. Well.. the start of it, at least. He only had a few music boxes, but he was still interested in seeing how much bigger they were in relation to him now. As he made his way over to the cabinet that he used to store his things, he couldn't help but notice that the floor looked different, too. It was more detailed than he remembered it. He could see the individual strands of the carpet, and if he looked _really_ hard he could even see the little strings that made up those strands! He'd never noticed those before..

Viktor closed the door. Gently; Blitzcrank got scared whenever a door slammed shut. It had become second nature to Viktor to close doors and drawers and everything in between near-silently. To anyone else it was a justification for thinking him an evil, homicidal scientist, but in actuality it was a habit he trained himself to have in order to make his home as safe and stress-free as he possibly could for his son. With quick steps he approached Blitzcrank, who had stopped in front of his cabinet. Setting a steady hand on the bot's shoulder, he waved away some steam that puffed from Blitzcrank's pipes into his face.

"I can't reach," Blitzcrank said, somewhat dispirited.

"What do you want from the cabinet?"

"The bigger one," he pointed to one of the music boxes.

"Well, alright," Viktor opened the cabinet and picked the box off the shelf, then handed it to Blitzcrank. "There you have it. If you want anything else, just ask."

"Thank you, father."

Blitzcrank flipped open the music box with a twinkle of awe in his optics. He needed to use _both hands_ to hold the box steadily. How cool was that? It was even more pleasant to hold than before because of that. He chirped, giving his brightest expression, and turned the crank twice. A soft melody started to play. It was a worn tune, the name of it long forgotten as the box's sticker had been etched away. Blitzcrank found this one in someone's trash while playing with Ekko's friends. He wasn't sure why it had been thrown out. It was perfectly functional, only had a handful of scratches and blemishes.. he supposed the glass on the front _was_  broken at the time he found it, but that didn't really matter. Viktor helped him replace it in no time.

Whatever the reason, Blitzcrank had himself a wonderful music box, and whoever threw it away was _really_ missing out.

 

 

* * *

 

"I don't know why I am small," Blitzcrank said after a while. "I struggle to recall what happened. When I asked them, they refused to explain it. I believe they are worried I would become distressed if I knew."

"'They'?"

"My friends."

"Ah," Viktor knelt down to turn the crank a few times. He sat on his knees just beside Blitzcrank and watched the music box turn.

"I am happy they are looking out for me. It is nice to have multiple friendly units you can depend on."

On his own, Viktor hadn't known how to feel about that. While it was entirely possible that Blitzcrank's friends were _actually_ looking out for him, knowing how _most_ Zaunites were it was more likely that they were taking advantage of his naivety for their own benefit. There wasn't any logical benefit to making Blitzcrank small, but the thought of another set of hooligans messing with his son for logical reasons or not made Viktor's blood boil. Blitzcrank didn't deserve to be lied to. Sure, Viktor himself kept things hidden from Blitzcrank, but for the most part they were things that weren't important to him. Blitzcrank wasn't old enough to have to concern himself with managing money, for instance. But lying to him, or consciously deciding not to tell him about something that directly affected him? That was just... wrong. On so many levels. And they called _him_ immoral.

But that might have just been Viktor's overprotectiveness acting up. Ultimately, he trusted Blitzcrank's judgement. There were some hiccups here and there.. very big hiccups.. but for the most part Blitzcrank had sound judgement. Though he was a little foolish and naive, Blitzcrank was a skeptic. Like Viktor, he had a remarkable talent of predicting what could go wrong in any situation.

Some would call it extreme anxiety, but Viktor thought it a necessary trait for survival.

It took a lot to make Blitzcrank comfortable, and on top of that, make him feel safe enough to entrust someone with his wellbeing. So if Blitzcrank was comfortable trusting his friends' decision not to inform him of things like _what in the world happened to make him go from the size of a Golem to the size of a small toddler_ , Viktor would just have to learn to trust it too.

As much as he wanted to know every little detail of what was going on in Blitzcrank's life and ensure everything went right, he couldn't possibly do that and expect Blitzcrank to feel that he was safe, his voice was heard, and that he'd be willing to be open about things. Viktor would just have to settle with outlining some ground rules, keeping an eye on him, and stepping in only if those ground rules were being threatened. No helicopter parenting. Blitzcrank was smart enough to know when something was wrong and that he couldn't handle it. He knew when to ask for help.

Something, admittedly, Viktor still struggled with.

"Well.. did you.. have any plans for the meantime?" Viktor asked, adjusting to sit down in a more comfortable way.

Blitzcrank didn't shift his gaze from the box. Didn't even blink.

"I'd have to clean up what I was working on, but we could do a little tinkering," he offered. "Some art, maybe?"

The Golem's optics glitered at the mention of art. He really liked art, specifically with crayons. He didn't like any other type of art. Paint was too messy and expensive, markers always ran out and smelled bad, pencils broke all the time - crayons were perfect. The waxy smell was bothersome only if you didn't prepare right. You just needed to move the air around a bit every few minutes or so. Also, don't use new crayons if you could help it. Or old ones. There was a sweet spot between the two, a little closer to old than new, where crayon's smell didn't get bad after about five minutes. Or it get so dry it was like rubbing two smooth rocks together when you colored with them.

Blitzcrank was interested in the idea, "What would we make?"

Viktor paused to think, "How about flowers? Or maybe sunsets, I did find that old calendar recently. We could use it as reference."

"Reference?" Blitzcrank had never used references before.

"You look at them while you draw and copy ideas from them."

"I do not want to draw squares."

"No, no, calendars have pictures in them, one for every month."

"Are they pictures of sunsets?"

"Yes."

"Real sunsets?"

"Mhm. I believe from various locations in Piltover."

Blitzcrank excitedly gave his best mimic of a smile, being as he had no mouth (or any other features besides eyes), "I would like to see."

Viktor nodded and got up, "I'll go find it, then. You stay put."

"Yes father."

As Viktor walked off, Blitzcrank turned his attention back to his cabinet of things. If he was going to do art, he would _probably_ need his crayons and some paper. The most efficient thing to do would be to get them while Viktor got the calendar. In the long run, that would cost less time, but he _had_ been told to stay put..

Well.. 'stay put' was a vague instruction. It could mean stay absolutely still, not giving even the slightest movement; but Blitzcrank knew Viktor would _never_ ask anyone to do that because it was physically impossible, and therefore illogical to request of someone. Even a robot. So he _could_ move. Question being, how much? The instruction didn't give any definitive definition of how much Blitzcrank could move, but considering what _others_ considered 'staying put', one could say that Blitzcrank was allowed movement within: **a)** the general vicinity of his current location within the room or **b)** the confines of said room.

Therefore, it was permitted within the instruction to 'stay put' for him to approach the cabinet, as it was both in his general vicinity _as well as_ inside the room he was currently in.

Of course, if that wasn't the case (which it most certainly was), Blitzcrank was allowed the choice to not follow instructions by virtue of being an independent being capable of original thought and feeling. He would still be scolded, but he was allowed to misbehave.

Now that he thought about it, that was a bit of an oxymoron...

Regardless, he needed to get his crayons. Thankfully he had felt a little lazy last time he cleaned up, so all his art things were shoved into one of the lower drawers. Just had to remember which... Blitzcrank set his music box to the side and walked up to the cabinet, poking his head into the drawers in search of his crayons. Maybe he'd even find some paper, though that was unlikely. He didn't like storing paper in his cabinet. The blank paper bothered him. It made him tense and uncomfortable (until he filled it), and his cabinet was supposed to be filled with things that made him happy.

While looking through the drawers, he found his bows. _They_ made him very happy. They were only strips of pink, peach, and red cloth tied around a s single weak magnet each, but when he put them on he felt nice.

It just felt nice to wear things. Nothing fit him, but he liked putting on his bows, or putting stickers on himself in lieu of clothes, or drawing on his hands. Fleshlings drew on themselves all the time, they call them 'tattoos'. Viktor didn't like it when Blitzcrank drew on himself or put stickers on, but he didn't seem to mind when Blitzcrank put on his bows. So that was why he had them.. and why he wasn't allowed to have stickers.

Blitzcrank reached down and picked up one of the bows. It was nearly the size of his head! He didn't know how big they were. He clung to it tightly and peered into the drawer again. His dinged up box of crayons were in there! What?!

He must have been _super_ lazy last time he put away his stuff.

"Here we are," Viktor mused, his attention on the calendar in his hand. "Sunsets and birds. Somewhat.. old-styled and cliche, now that I look at it, but we have to start somewhere. Plus this calendar is from.. oh.. _oh_.. what was I when my father gave this to me.. seventeen? Why do I even still have this?" Viktor flipped the ancient calendar cover and squinted at the back cover suspiciously.

Blitzcrank looked to his father, "Will you draw with me?"

"I.. mmh, sure. I don't see why not," Viktor looked to the bow. "Why have you that?"

"What?" Blitzcrank tilted his head.

"The bow."

The golem looked to the bow again. He wasn't sure why he took it out. He just wanted to.

"Its for you," he said, holding it out to Viktor.

Viktor pointed to himself in disbelief, "Me?"

"Yes."

"Where would I put it?"

"On your head."

"My head is not metal, Blitzcrank."

Blitzcrank blinked silently.

"Yet."

That got the little robot to laugh. It was only a quick giggle, but Viktor couldn't help crack a smile at it. He was oddly proud he got Blitz to laugh. That, and the nostalgic calendar, put him in one of those rare moods where he felt like having some fun. He thought it his form of 'happy'; ever since his tween years he had a propensity to mischief when he was in good spirits. Part of that must have been passed down from him to Blitzcrank, since he too liked to pull pranks and be a nuisance when he felt happy. It was more.. childish than Viktor, but still quite mischievous.

It was a terribly flawed and inefficient trait that would better be removed at the soonest opportunity, but.. it wasn't _that_ vital it be removed.

His cheerful attitude was what likely gave him the impulse to drop down and lay on his stomach when Blitzcrank beckoned him down. It would have been more efficient to simply crouch...

Blitzcrank undid the bow to separate it from the magnet it was tied around and sat down just to the side of Viktor, grabbing a clump of the inventor's greying hair and starting to tie the ribbon about it. Viktor barely held back a cry from having a sizable chunk of his hair suddenly yanked on by a miniaturized steam golem.

"Care, care," he mumbled, trying his best not to reach up and pull Blitzcrank's hand away.

"Hair is a mass of dead fleshling bits."

"Yes, but it still hurts when you pull on it."

Blitzcrank tilted his head, but didn't look away from what he was doing, "Why? I thought the dead do not feel."

"Am I dead?"

"... are you?" the golem's eyes shifted to a look of worry.

"No-" Viktor sighed. "My _hair_ is dead, yes, but it is still attached to _me_ , who is alive. So it hurts me when you pull on it without warning."

Blitzcrank nodded and finished tying the bow. It was pink. He liked it. Viktor fiddled with it a little, loosening it slightly, then left it alone. Bows weren't his fancy - neither was the color pink - but he knew Blitzcrank liked them. So he left it in. Blitzcrank turned back to the cabinet and grabbed a few more, unraveling the magnets and carefully tying the ribbons to Viktor's hair until his head sported about three small ponytails and a few random clumps, each with a bow. Miraculously, Viktor managed to stay there. Patiently. Only getting mildly irritated by having to stay still for so long on some silly whim his son had.

Despite that, he stole one of Blitzcrank's bows with his third arm before he got to untie it from the magnet.

"Your turn to sit still," Viktor teased, fixing up one end of the bow with a free hand. Blitzcrank tried to take the bow back with a sneaky swipe, but luckily Viktor had the reaction time to lift it just out of his reach.

"Father," Blitzcrank warned, falling onto his side from the attempt.

Viktor didn't think before he looked him dead in the eye mimicked the bot's tone, "Blitzcrank."

"Return my bow at once, or face my wrath."

The Herald couldn't stop himself from laughing, if only shortly, "What would that be?"

There was a lengthy pause as Blitzcrank lay on his side, carefully considering his options. He did not know what 'wrath' entailed, he'd just heard it from Zac and Ekko a bunch of times and found it to be a comical way to interact with someone you a friend or family. When Zac and Ekko enacted their 'wrath', they turned to wrestling, but Blitzcrank didn't want to wrestle his father. Although Blitzcrank could possibly match him in strength, even being as small as he was, Viktor was still much bigger than him and very capable of outsmarting him.

"You have five seconds," he said eventually.

"Oh, whatever will I do?

"Return the bow."

Viktor rolled his eyes. He had four seconds left, but that didn't matter to him. He was curious what would happen if he waited it out. Blitzcrank tried to grab the bow half-heartedly.

"It's mine," Viktor said, holding it protectively behind his head. He had three seconds.

"No it's not," he had two seconds.

"Now it is," one second.

"No," Blitzcrank clicked as his mental timer went off. He hadn't planned for Viktor to run out of time. "You're out of time."

"I am."

The Golem stared at Viktor, silently hoping he would give the bow back so he didn't have to admit he had no plan to enact in a wrathful manor.

"Well?" Viktor quirked an eyebrow expectantly.

"Well."

"Where's this 'wrath' you threatened me with?"

Blitzcrank needed to stall for an idea, "Yes."

"'Yes' is not a viable response to the question."

"True."

"It is a question most suitably answered with a noun, more specifically a place, or with 'I don't have it.', which is what I am _assuming_ is the truth."

"False."

Viktor gave Blitzcrank a stern look, "Then what of it?"

Now he was sure in a pickle. He had to think up a clever comeback _and_ a plan of wrathful intent. How would he do that?

Blitzcrank panicked and reached out to grip Viktor's biological arm. He put on his best angry expression.

"Prepare for suffering," he stated, holding tightly to Viktor's arm.

"Already am."

It was then Blitzcrank fell silent. This was his master wrathful plan: secure a fundamental appendage and cling to it. Do not let go. Then, stay absolutely silent and do not say a word. Eventually you will intimidate and/or worry the other party enough to force them to comply to your demands. _No one_ was prepared enough to deal with such a scenario. No one.


End file.
